I have this conversation all the time with my other single girlfriends “he’s the wrong guy for you, he’s just not that into you.” The response is always the same “I KNOW!! But why can’t I keep my finger from hitting the send button?” UGH!! Girl, I have been there! I’ve been on both sides of this conversation.
Now it’s time to unleash “The Faaaaaa Chronicles” – the ultimate lesson for me in dating the not so right one and it only took about a year and a half to sink in. Wait, you’re distracted, I can tell. You are wondering what The Faaaaa is. . . . my friend is a genius at nicknames and based on the few details she knows about the new boy in my life she comes up with something creative. Yatta, yatta, yatta, with an extra glass of wine, Viola, we have The Faaaaaa. (You may need to pull me aside later to get the details, but not here).
It all started with a conversation in a coffee shop and I was all hooked in. He was HOT girls, I mean H O T. And I was smitten because he was exactly the opposite of my ex-husband. He certainly didn’t present as a bad boy, he doesn’t drink, he works out regularly and he’s held the same job for over 20 years.
Okay, there was one small hiccup in his “good boy image”, our sexual chemistry was intense. I’m a good girl, I’m trying to be a good christian. In this day and age especially at 40 years old it just isn’t cool to save sex for marriage. It’s probably the biggest challenge facing most single christian women. I knew I would struggle with this issue because I prayed endlessly for God to give me a good reason to stay away from sex outside of marriage. He gave me lot’s of good reasons, see Proverbs 2, 5 (titled “Avoid Immoral Women”), 7 (titled “Another Warning About Immoral Women”). The list goes on and on. When you ask God to teach you something, he’s relentless! I read the words, but they hadn’t reached my heart yet. This was a lesson that would take learning from experience. (Side note-avoid this if at all possible, God would rather just tell you in his word, if he has to show you in real life it HURTS!)
The Faaaaa eventually went from being a nickname, to a real name, to a date, then finally a boyfriend. We were wildly attracted to each other and just couldn’t keep ourselves from abstaining. Frankly, he didn’t understand the reason we would. I tried many times to explain and even talked him into a 21 days of prayer and fasting. We failed, miserably. I was so convicted that I was doing the wrong thing I had a serious heart to heart, he didn’t agree and sadly we broke up.
Since then, I’ve learned “Everything is permissible – but not everything is beneficial” 1 Cor 10:23. God may have allowed that to happen, but it was not beneficial for my heart, body, mind or soul. When I got divorced, abandonment left an empty space in my heart. I was using sex to replace the feeling of emptiness. It works for a short time, but I figured out quickly I was only in my relationship to feel better and not because we were matched in many other ways. He told me he loved me as we were breaking up, but the sad truth eventually revealed itself, he wasn’t going to fight for me or chase after me.
Ladies, that’s not beneficial for an already broken heart! I prayed and prayed for God to change my desires. I prayed for him to reveal the truth of how He sees me and for him to heal the empty place in my heart I needed desperately to fill. I cannot tell you how prayer works, or why it works. I don’t understand the mysteries of this God character, but without those prayers I would still be searching for the wrong guy. I KNOW, with a tremendous deep knowing those specific prayers worked to change my heart and mind about sex outside of marriage.
We can still talk about sex, you may still want to text that ding-a-ling of a man, but God has the power to change your desires and heal your broken heart.