Like most divorced women, I’ve had lots of things to be angry about and they all encircle the same fella. Some of it is justified and some is just plain irritation for the sake of being irritated. Truth be told, I’ve been more fortunate than a lot of other divorced moms that I know. I have a co-parent who pays the child support on time, has 50% custody and takes being a dad very seriously. We’ve worked through a tremendous amount of junk to be amicable.
The 9 months we were separated, finalizing our divorce were very difficult times. We were dealing with pain, anger, and hurt. Frankly we weren’t nice to each other, we were MAD! We each had justifiable reasons for being angry with one another.
One early morning, driving my cranky self and kids to meet my ex-husband for the exchange, I found myself consumed with thoughts of irritation. Reliving the most recent argument and reciting in my head all the reasons I was right, one of my sweet boys asked me a question. My train of thought had been interrupted and I was mad. I turned and yelled at him “WHAT DO YOU WANT”. I heard myself say it as if I was an outsider looking in and realized my anger at the soon to be ex-husband was turning me into a monster. I was slowly being poisoned. It all started in my thoughts, seeped into my extremities (the white knuckles on the steering wheel), attacked my heart and finally through my mouth spewing venom onto my children.
Anger can certainly be justified and even righteous. There is no doubt bad things happen to good people through other people. With rampant marital issues such as infidelity, alcohol and drug addictions, pornography, domestic abuse, child abuse it’s no wonder we have so much to be angry about. You may have many things to be angry about and you’re given fresh anger ammo every day. I know I’ve been there.
If there’s one thing I appreciate about my relationship with God, his promise to be my protector. He’s my new fella with the big sword ready to come to my defense. I know whatever injustice has been done to my children or I, God has my back. That’s an incredibly comforting thought for a single woman out here on my own. God only asks for a couple of things in return.
First, He asks that He be the one to decide when, where and whom he will be swinging his sword at. He knows all and sees all. Only He knows who the real enemy is.
Second, He asks us to remain teachable. There are things we do in relationships that aren’t healthy. God wants us to learn about ourselves so we don’t end up in another messy marriage. He wants to make our hearts and minds new. Understanding how I played a role in my divorce has been the antidote to the poisonous anger in my blood stream. I was able to identify my reactions and change them. Interestingly I found my interactions with my ex-husband changing. We’ve come a long way in healing the junk and finding a working co-parent relationship.
Third, He asks us to forgive. I know, I know. Ladies, when Jesus died on the cross he saw all the unimaginable things you were going to do to other people. He saw all the times we lost our temper with our children, all the horrible things we’ve said to loved ones, and all the other sins you know are hidden in there. He even saw the moment I screamed at my child “WHAT DO YOU WANT”. Jesus saw all of that and died to forgive us. Everyday you are offered renewed forgiveness. The catch is, we are asked to forgive others so we can receive His forgiveness. I’ve heard it said “unforgiveness is drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die.”Someday soon, I will write more on this. For today, please know that forgiveness frees you from the poison wrecking your body.
Friends, un-bunch those panties, straighten out your skirt (or pants for you men) and stand tall in God’s protection, renewal and forgiveness. You are so much prettier with a smile and your butt will thank you!