A Chat Over Coffee With My Former Self

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You look tired my sweet one. This is the absolute worst moment of your life, and you have no idea what will unfold. You are hidden in the denial in which you are cloaked. Up until 1:30 this morning, you were living a Cinderella life, with a loving, successful husband and two beautiful children. You faithfully stay at home with your kids, keep the house tidy and are actively involved in your community, bible study and friends.  And yet, you are so lost.

Just a few hours ago, you found out about your husband’s betrayal and your world has begun to unravel. Sitting here now, you are clinging to the life you are most familiar. You are gripping the false reality with such fierceness it’s a miracle your fingers didn’t fall off. As the days ahead pass you will put on a smile, your nicest clothes and float aimlessly through your normal, ordinary routine.

Dear sweet Lori, how God is trying desperately to break through the façade. He is tenderly whispering about chains of denial that need to be broken, and putting trust in idols that can’t help you at all. If you only knew the idol you are holding is your husband and he can’t be the source of your worth, joy and happiness. God is prophesying the promise of beauty from ashes one day. I know you want to hear his voice, but sometimes the wall of pain is so thick, nothing else can break through.

I sit here in front of you now, looking onto your tear stained face, eyes red and puffy, holding your trembling hands, and I want to tell you exactly what will happen over the next seven years, but I can’t. You will need to walk through this time without the comfort of knowing who you will become. Please be assured that you will not be alone and you will come through the most painful days of your life.

You have so much to look forward to, but first you will go through tremendous fire in the valley. There will be a day God will reach down to earth and lift your chin to his face in your darkest, saddest moment and you will finally fully hear his voice with such clarity that you will swear he was in the room with you. From that very moment on you will be filled with the peace that surpasses all understanding, take God’s hand and never look back.

My darling former self, it’s time for me to go, but we will meet again in seven years as He has chosen seven to be significant, “At the end of every seven years you shall make a release.” In seven years, you will be given the opportunity to release all that you’ve held onto for the past seven years and to be freed from the captivity of so much hurt, guilt and shame.  In seven years you will sit down to imagine this conversation and it will bring great joy to know what God has brought you through and more importantly the woman you have become out of the destruction of this one moment. God will most certainly use every ounce of pain to bring healing to others.

Yes, sweet one, everything will be okay. Cling tightly to God’s promise because you will be brought out of the ashes into glorious beauty.

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Cath says:

    Hi Lori
    Happy New Year – may the peace of our Lord fill your heart and may His joy be your strength.
    It’s amazing the number 7; I’m into my the 7th year – I’m anchoring my hope in Christ and clinging to His faithfulness.
    As I read this blog I’m hoping I’ll be glowing and living abundantly in His grace.
    Thank you for sharing hope
    Cath

  2. savingshards says:

    Beauty from ashes – the descriptor of the work of our redemptive God. It takes so many forms, and requires eyes to see sometimes. I hope you will follow my journey – different from yours, so we can learn from each other. Best to you in 2016. HUGS.

  3. Cynthia Teo says:

    Thank you for this…..my divorce finalized 5 months ago….but I am still walking through the valley, and taking one day at a time…but the hurt, confusion, and especially the “not knowing”….of starting out with my daughter and I, it’s terrifying. But I take SO much peace from this, from knowing that one day there will beauty from ashes, and that I will be able to one day look back at my former self and smile, as well. God bless!

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